The Future Is What You Make It

I've spent days trying to come up with a title for this post. And this is what I came up with. The future really is what you make it.

This post is an update on where I am and what the future holds. In my lat post, I mentioned I was waiting for all the tests to come back (even a few after the last post update, two separate biopsies), and to discuss options. The tests came back. We had the discussions. The risks of surgery are just too great, and we decided that won't be an option. It was a difficult decision because it would have had the greatest chance of long term success. My liver just isn't healthy enough to sustain my life on what would be left.

After all is said and done, I'll be starting chemo and radiation treatment in the next few days. I have no idea what to expect (except the lost of the last few hair follicles I have left.) I'm going into this with the support of my family and friends. I'm still laughing (thank you John Middleton), getting out of the house a bit (spent some time at Comic Con, thanks Cody for the great picture), and spending time with my grandchildren, who I love dearly.

Here's to the next few months. I'll continue to update as usual, now that the waiting is over. Thank you for taking the time to read, leave encouragement, and just being there.

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Salt Lake Comic Con FanX 2014 VIP Pass

All that's left is to show up.

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Top 20 Replies By Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work

We can laugh at ourselves right? I've given a few of these over the years.

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Smelling The Roses

Over the past month and a half I feel like I've been on the worlds largest roller coaster, with no end in sight. Long downward drops, steep uphill climbs, fast corners that rip your head back and to the side, all the while trying to remain calm and optimistic.

I've spoken to many of you personally, through email, and text message. Keeping in contact with my friends and family are important to me. I don't want to be unplugged, unreachable, or locked away. I've received hundreds of prayers, well wishes, letters of encouragement, and tokens of support and friendship. You will never know or understand how much this helps me get through each day.

Connecting with each of you is just as therapeutic for me as I assume it is for you. I could not imagine trying to fight this fight without all of you at my side. I want everyone who is interested to know what's happening and stay connected (I assume that's the case if you are reading this.) And while I will continue to share updates and what is happening next, the level of detail is not important, in fact it causes me stress because I'm not able to answer everyone's questions, you guys are a smart bunch of cookies.

As I had mentioned a few days ago, we had a very important and critical meeting with a doctor to discuss the mountain of test data and talk about surgical options. We had the meeting. We talked about each option and each possibility. The bottom line after the meeting was it's a tough call. I don't want this to come across as a negative why me, why me, discussion. The plain truth is, this is a tough cancer, in a tough spot, combined with other health issues I have, makes surgery an even tougher and more risky proposition than we had hoped. And of course chemo and radiation are on the table as well. Neither is fun, and neither are the ultimate answer, because there just isn't one. It's picking the lesser of two evils so I can continue to fight a good fight.

One thing I've tried to remember is no one is to blame for this cancer, except possible choices I've made with my health. I'm not questioning my faith in God, not blaming God or anyone else for that matter.  I don't have time, patience, or energy to blame. As most of my friends and family will attest, I'm someone who wants to move fast. I'm ready, have been ready, for several weeks, to get a treatment plan underway.

Please understand things like stage, phase, life expectancy, percentage, time frame, aren't important for our discussions. That's personal and private, and only cause me and my family stress having to discuss them over and over again. My sweet wife is dealing with something far beyond what either of us could have imagined at this time in our life. I'm heartbroken the worry, stress, and uncertainty this brings her, and the tough decisions we need to make. I'm heartbroken my children have to experience worry, stress and uncertainty about this as well.

I'm smelling the roses while I still can. Everyday grows more precious. I'm not worrying about the coulda, shoulda, wouldas. Doing the things we keep putting off for another day. That day is here.

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Still Waiting Part Deux

I'm still here, waiting. I've been reminded on numerous occasions that waiting is probably the best thing right now, because we want all the doctors to have the information they need to come up with the best course of treatment. But that doesn't change the fact I'm getting extremely impatient.

I don't really have anything new to report. I'm meeting with a surgeon tomorrow who could potentially be performing a liver resection. I'm hoping the discussion is that she is ready to move on to the next phase which is actually doing the surgery.

Next week is Salt Lake Comic Con FanX, and I have a concert on the calendar for next week as well. Those are two things I've been looking forward to for some time, and purchased tickets well before my diagnosis. I'm going to be bummed if I can't attend either of these (I may need to sell my VIP Comic Con ticket.)

I will update again tomorrow after I've had a chance to meet with the surgeon. Again, thank you for all the support, love, and encouragement.

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